


the feeling of watching as the waves swallow your home

by crimson_hue



Series: immortality is a special kind of hell that no one thinks about [2]
Category: MYCT - Fandom, Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Dead Toby Smith | Tubbo, Gen, HIS NAME IS FUCKING ALEXIS?, Swearing, TommyInnit Misses Toby Smith | Tubbo, no beta we die like tubbo, ooc probably
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-07
Updated: 2020-12-07
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:27:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27936277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crimson_hue/pseuds/crimson_hue
Summary: Continuation of "the feeling of drowning and sea salt in your lungs"Tommy wonders how the hell people can be considered predictable. No one saw this coming.People live in the aftermath of Tubbo's actions.
Relationships: None
Series: immortality is a special kind of hell that no one thinks about [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2045197
Comments: 11
Kudos: 253





	the feeling of watching as the waves swallow your home

**Author's Note:**

> hhhhhhhhhhhhhh

There’s a dead silence that comes after the boy stabs himself through the chest.

Tommy can hear Philza scream, grabbing at both Wilbur and Tubbo. Wilbur nor Tubbo disappear. There’s a certain unease settling around the battlefield, as they take in the destruction around them. 

Everyone knows of gods, everyone knew Dream himself was a god. That’s why the manhunts happened, people liked the danger of knowing that the man would always just respawn. There was a safety net.

Then Schlatt didn’t come back. It was just assumed he decided to go to his own world to respawn instead. That he was still alive somewhere. 

(But his body didn’t poof. Didn’t go up in smoke.)

Tommy can’t move. He stays floored.

Tubbo killed Schlatt. He killed Schlatt and that means that he knew Schlatt wasn’t human. How did the boy know? It’s only when the rest of what Tubbo said catches up with him. The smaller boy had never talked about his old family, but he did mention the flood. When Tommy asked him why he has his house so near the ocean, he was given the fact that it would be easier to watch the sea level if he was right there.

Wilbur had mentioned a flood once. He had staggered home laughing, and Philza had shouted at him. But his brother said, he promised, that no one else had been there.

(Wilbur lied. Wilbur has lied before, when Philza would angrily question what he did with the mortals, and he’d chuckle before waving it away, so is it so surprising that he’d lie about that?)

He staggers towards them. Philza is shouting at Wilbur to stop playing games a respawn already, while holding Tubbo’s body.

Why isn’t he respawning?

Tommy grabs his friend’s arm while the others make their way over, as a cold sense of dread settles over the. Tommy moves his bandana and-

His wrist is bare. His wrist is bare. 

Tubbo isn’t-  
No, no no no, he’s coming back. He’ll be back and then they can talk this out and Wilbur can apologize and-

He hears someone sit next to him, asking him what’s wrong before gasping. Niki screams next to him, and everything is far too real. Tommy wonders why humans have to be so damn fragile. He wonders why they have to die, why his best friend just threw away his life like that.

(The teenager wishes he was human too, if only he could be with his friend again.)

It takes two days of hauling dirt and making supplies for at least half of the land to be considered safe. The community house was untouched, and everyone regardless of previous affiliations had gone in.

Tommy watches keenly as Dream holds Fundy’s hand while directing people around. Quackity has a book open and is trying to figure out how much more dirt they’ll need. Philza and Technoblade are waiting at world spawn, ready to shout at Wilbur when he comes back from hiding. 

Eret catches his eye and before the man can finish walking over, Tommy’s already out the door. He runs, with no direction in mind but the knowledge of where his feet take him. Wilbur destroyed it all, that motherfucker. 

(Tommy knows where’s heading. It’s muscle memory.)

The Prime Path is gone, but as if Vikstar’s holy light is guiding him, he never stops. Just climbing, falling in holes, running, repeat. The dirt has gotten under his already short nails, but he doesn’t falter.

Somehow, it’s still there. 

The house is gone. There’s a few pieces of his home scattered around, yet the bench is pristine. Luck. Pure chance, and some greater god must’ve been looking out for Tommy. He knows that it’s just a bit too lucky. That Tubbo was so full of hatred, when he killed Wilbur. That the deranged laughter wasn’t just shock or a weird horrified reaction.

He sits on the bench. The music disk sits next to him, as he watches the sun set. Mobs will be coming, heading for the light that glows softly from the torch. Tommy can’t move to play the disk or anything. 

Tubbo once described drowning to him. He had thought the boy had learned it from a book, since he sounded so knowledgeable about it. “It burns in your lungs, but after a few seconds, it’s almost peaceful! Despite the whole dying part.” 

If that’s true, then drowning would be better than this grief in his heart.

There’s no sound, no approaching footsteps. One minute he’s alone, staring at the horizon while stars twinkle, then the bench creaks. 

Tommy sighs, and begins to get ready to be scolded by Philza that he should’ve stayed but instead a yellow sweater greets his eyes. A yellow sweater with a gaping hole in it. 

“Hey Tommy, quick question.” It’s Wilbur’s voice but it’s not, at the same time. He sounds sick, or wobbly. Looking into such clear, sincere gray eyes reminds him of days of L’manburg when the world was so much simpler.

His skin is gray. They both stare at each other, with the knowledge that something is very, very deeply wrong. If Wilbur had respawned, then there is no reason for him to like this. 

“Why am I dead?”

It takes an hour long shouting match for everyone to realize that Wilbur’s memory is a bit screwy. Dream says that he won’t punish a man who can’t remember what he did wrong, so he instead does some weird server god shit, and pulls up the code.

Then he freezes.

“Who’s been messing with code?” He asks, voice sound off guard, and scared.

Scared. Tommy has never heard Dream sound scared, so whoever did this must’ve shaken him up so deeply that he didn’t even bother to put his emotional shields up. While that’s very cool to find out what he means by that, Tommy has other things to get done.

“If you can access code you can bring back Tubbo, right?” He asks, glaring at Dream. Both Philza and him sigh, before they both look surprised and glance at each other. Tommy doesn’t give a fuck if they jinxed each other, he walks closer and slams his hand on the table the older man has set up in.

“You can bring him back, right?” He shouts, feeling a rage bubble under his skin. “You can, right?” Tommy knows he should rein it back in, because he can feel his skin getting hotter. He can feel the fire lick at his fingertips as he grabs the God of Luck by his hoodie and holds on.

Fundy puts his hand on Tommy’s shoulder, only to pull back with a hiss. “Shit Tommy, why are you- do you have a fucking fever?” The teenager only spins around to take his rage out on someone else. 

“Shut the fuck up Fundy! This isn’t about me, this about if your ass of a fiance can bring back-”

Tommy ignores the sob that sits at the back of his throat. “If he can bring my best friend back.”

The room has been silent since he started yelling at Dream, but there’s a tension there now. It’s practically unheard of a sixteen year old to have their final life by that age.

Hell, by the way Sapnap flinches so hard and Technoblade’s curse, no one even had been keeping count. What’s the worst thing about this situation? The fact that Tubbo went to the length of killing himself for a reason no one but Wilbur knows, or the fact no one had even realised it could’ve been his death.

“There’s no way that he’s dead.” Eret takes control of the situation, but Tommy knows that his best friend is dead. “He probably just respawned in someone else’s world, we can send a letter to some of his friends, and then try to ask him what happened.”

Tommy wants to believe the ex-king so badly, but he saw his friend’s wrist. Everyone did.

“That still doesn’t change the fact that someone changed code.” Dream pipes up, but Eret smoothly cuts in before that can spiral.

“We can discuss that tomorrow. We’re tired, emotions are high, we need to slow down.”

It’s not hard to see why Eret was made king, he’s a good leader.

When they finally discuss it, there’s only two people who it could actually be.  
Schlatt, who should’ve been undefeatable, and never had shown any knowledge of code, and then Tubbo. 

Tubbo whose code had simply disappeared.

There’s only so many things they can wave away. No matter how much Tommy wants to believe Tubbo would have never, he remembers the few times he’s seen Tubbo’s anger. It is slow, and thick like lava. Usually he’ll snap at you and apologize later, but sometimes he held on. Not to hate, but to the actions.

Once, Tommy had ripped up a page of Tubbo’s favorite book. In retaliation, everyday for at least two months, he’d take some string from Tommy’s socks. Soon, his songs where fucking useless, and when he shouted at Tubbo, the boy responded “shouldn’t have messed with my book.”

Tubbo didn’t seem mad about it. He had simply smiled at Tommy and remarked about how they’re even, and never did it again.

The boy had always valued balance. When Tommy bought him a new book, he found himself in possession of new socks. They never spoke about it again, but for a few weeks Tommy would avoid Tubbo’s book collection.

It’s only when Wilbur confesses that Tubbo’s last words had been about a flood he had caused, did Tommy get it. It was his way of getting even, Tubbo lost his past self then, so JSchlatt and Wilbur lost theirs.

No one will say it aloud, but Wilbur dying is the best thing that could’ve happened. His paranoia is gone, and he confesses that he feels so much more free. Then Wilbur rushed to say that was probably Tubbo’s doing, and not what death did to you, but everyone understood what he meant at first anyways.

Schlatt had lingered around, before he started helping Quackity with being a president. With his memories reduced, he was a great help at bring both L’Manburg and the SMP to it’s feet. There’s areas based around silts, but a majority has fresh dirt packed into it.

The Prime Path is almost completely restored.

While they’re having one of their weekly cabinet meetings, Fundy raises his hand.

“Will we be holding a ceremony for Tubbo?” He asks. 

The room goes dead silent. The teenager had been buried by Philza, where nobody else knew where. Tommy wants to throw up. How could they wait this long? They gave fucking Schlatt a funeral and not Tubbo? 

Niki immediately agrees, and Quackity starts discussing a good day to hold it. Someone asks Tommy to go ask where Tubbo is buried, and he nods. It takes everything he has not to just run.

Philza takes one looks at his face before nodding. He takes Tommy’s hand like he did when he was younger, and while usually he’d pull away, he can’t. While he would love to say he’d been thinking about Tubbo every damn day, he was so busy with work that it was only every few days he’d have a breakdown over it.

The walk isn’t long, it’s in a field. There’s bees moving around, and they come across a small groove. Phil explains that he planted some saplings, to provide privacy.

He lets Tommy walk in alone.

He stops at the enterance because someone is already there. There’s a boy sitting cross legged in front of a headstone, blonde hair reaching his shoulders. He’s wearing a green shirt, and some jeans. There’s scars along his arms, that look like fireworks. 

The boy turns around and they make eye contact. Tommy sinks to his knees.

“Sorry, can you read this to me? It feels important but I can’t remember for the life of me why!” He blinks at the final part of his sentence, before laughing at the word ‘alive.’ He shakes his head. “Get it, alive? Cause, even though I can’t remember much, I very much believe I’m supposed to be dead.”

Tommy can’t move. He’s not sure if he’s breathing, really. The other teenager stares at him all the while.

“Sorry, do I know you?”

Ignoring that, he rushes forward and hugs as tight as he can. He doesn’t care that he knows that Tubbo isn’t human anymore, he can feel it in the way his skin buzzes as they make contact, in the plants that grow so vibrantly around his old friend.

He feels his shirt start to get wet. “I don’t know why I’m crying.” The boy says from where he’s pressed into Tommy’s body. 

There’s a gasp and the sound of someone falling to their knees behind them, but Tommy holds on to his friend and begins crying himself. Arms wrap around him too, hesitant but as if they’re doing it more of muscle memory. He sobs harder, because that’s all the proof he needed.

Tubbo is dead, but not really. He’s not a ghost, like Wilbur. Instead, he’s become something much worse.

He’s a god now.

(On November 16th, a boy stabs himself with a blade with a god’s blood on it. With his ties to what kept human gone, but his soul not done and the immortality still there, it’s the right conditions. The world is cruel like that, to take someone so much more human than the people around him, and then to make him much more godly than them all.)

**Author's Note:**

> So Tubbo, when he stabbed himself last time, mixed WIlbur's blood with his own. As his insanity made him cut ties with what kept him human, he turned into a god!!  
> He's a life god, and innocence. Hence why Philza didn't go forward, he wasn't allowed into Tubbo's groove because it's only open to children. Dream couldn't find his code because he has an entirely new code.


End file.
